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5 Nightclub Nightmares That Both Ladies and Men Have to Avoid.

Even the most seasoned club-alite can get confused inside the Vegas nightclub and miss the douche tattoo written across someones forehead.  Yeah Vegas is known for its ability to loosen legs, but not every party guy and girl in the club is only after what’s between yours.  The wrong guest at your VIP bottle service table will turn your Vegas dream vacation into one of Freddy’s nightmares.

The Drunken Slob
Ladies:  Ladies should make a bee-line for the bathroom when they have one of these guys on their tail.  This is the guy who reeks of cheap booze and cigarettes and needs to grab your arm just to stay standing.  Liquid courage and a complete distortion of reality will make them say and do things that would make even Paris Hilton blush. The only way to get rid of this guy is to be rude.  Let him know you have no interest and walk away.  If that doesn’t work, let security deal with him.

Men:  Push all thoughts of easy out of your head when you have a drunken slobbering mess following you to your VIP table.  Even if you could get her back to your hotel she’ll probably pass out before you get off the elevator.  Now you’re left with a half-naked, sleeping "friend" and no idea where to take her.  If you have one of these begging shots from your VIP table cut her off. This will force her to move onto to other innocent victims to get more free booze. These types of girls are known in the industry circles as "Bottle Rats".

"Just 1 more".

"Just 1 more".

The Loner
Ladies:  You know guys travel in packs and while some will break away from the herd for a few minutes be wary of the ones whose own friends can’t even stand being around him. He’s clingy and annoying and won’t ever leave your VIP table once you let him in.  Even a drink in the face won’t get rid of him. The only thing you can do ignore him.  Once you stop paying attention he will be forced to move on in search of the dumb girl who will give it to him.

Men:  Girls travel in packs too, and will check up on each other if one gets lost for too long.  If you invite a girl to your VIP table and she doesn’t have to check with her BFF first there’s a good chance you just stumbled onto a working girl.  Let her have one drink and then move on before you get too drunk and stupid and end up paying a hefty amount of money to...well. These are not the most scrupulous girls on the planet, let one into your hotel room and God only knows what will be missing in the morning.

The Socialite
Ladies:  If the guy you’re chatting it up with seems to know everyone inside the club it’s because he spends all of his time there.  In his eyes you are just one more notch in a very big belt.  Unless you want to be the main character in his next chapter of sordid nightclub adventures feign a headache and head back to your girls.

Men:  The same story is true for the hot girl who is friends with every security guard in the place. This girl has been making the nightclub scene rounds for a while and has probably become a fixture in the place.  Guzzling down booze at every VIP table that will let her before it runs out. She’s not looking to go anywhere with you, she’s saving that for the bouncer behind the bar. Kick her to the curb by cutting her off from your bottle and she will move on fast.

Been know to party!

Been know to party!

The Groper
Ladies:  It always happens, you’re out on the dance floor with your besties when you suddenly feel bear paws on your waist.  Most of the time you can just shift around and with a cold, hard stare let the guy know his entrance into your personal space is not cool.  If he gets the message and just starts dancing along with you at a proper distance than he’s alright, but you may have to resort to a drink in the face if the touchy feely stuff doesn’t stop.

Men:  While it may feel good at first to find a girl who just randomly puts her hands on your junk, think about where that hand was before you.  It makes no difference how drunk she is, if she has no type of boundary, or is that desperate for your attention, then again you may be dealing with a lady of the night. Or it could be that booze has turned a nice girl into a hot mess  Either way, don’t make the problem yours by giving them any of your attention.

Lil  Jon said hands up my man!

Lil Jon said hands up my man!

The Emotional Mess
Ladies:  Avoid at all costs the guy who seems to be drowning some kind of sorrow in a bottle of Jack.  Good chance the sorrow's name is Cyndy and he has her number on speed dial.  Keep him away from your VIP table by feigning disinterest or you’re going to spend the whole night hearing stories of how she did him wrong.

Men:  Unless you want to blow your Vegas budget on Kleenex and chocolate ice cream, run away from the girl on the rebound.  Sure, they seem like a sure thing but if you pay them even the slightest bit of interest they are going to latch on to you like a tick and then literally suck the fun right out of your night with their constant belly aching. 

Hot... . Mess?


Sure, hook ups and one-nighters are a big part of the Vegas mystique, but you don’t want to let one stupid mistake ruin the rest of your weekend, or LIFE! Look for people who seem to have the same idea of a good time as you do to chill with at your VIP table. If you do start thinking about taking someone back to the hotel, also think about the souvenir you may take home with you as a result, so plan ahead.

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